GET ON BOARD...

As my usual, I have a disclaimer. This is not for the [players. If you decide to read this blog as a player, you will probably stop playing and decide to join us on the other side where fun and debauchery happen at your expense. Do not cross over, because then we wont have a reason to go on these tours. We need an excuse.

So the rugby season is again with us. Not the international season that has people clambering for seats in a packed stadia. Its the boring “fifty persons capacity, I don’t feel like paying entrance so I will call myself a player” phase. Ask Tonyango how many local games he has paid for? I will bet you it is something close to 10. And he has been watching rugby for the last 73 years. (not including his puberty years when he was chasing skirts)

A couple of important landmarks to note in this extremely long season, that ends with safari sevens (yippppeeee!! They have banned vuvuzelas at last) and has too many leagues and games squeezed into a season. I believe somewhere down the line they have forgotten that rugby is a contact sport and not badminton. There will be exciting rugby for the spectator from the 21^st of august through to the 18^th of September where a new national sevens champion will be crowned.

I will try and keep you well informed of the social scene around the events. From Kisumu to Mombasa, through Nairobi and Nakuru. The teams and their fans will travel up and down the A104 getting into all kinds of great mischiefs and adventures... these adventures can only be relayed through (obviously) edited versions. But a bit of truth here and there will do very few people harm.

21^st Aug Christies sevens:

At Kenya Rugby Football Union Grounds. Also known as Kenya Harlequins grounds or Kenya Rugby Union Grounds. In the end, everyone wants a title to the field but rumour has it that its owned by old-school odieros who will call it whatever you want as long as unalipa rent.. Regardless of the name of the grounds, this is usually a good pace setter for the series with one of the highest conversion rates after safari sevens. Yaani conversion is.... you want to impress a female and you want to watch rugby so you invite her over, coz entrance for her is cheaper than a packet of chips in steers. You marinate her the whole day with alcohol and make her emotionally attached to your useless club as you cheer on and she joins you just to feel a part of something and somehow finds herself back in the fold the very next weekend. That is what is classified as conversion.

The newly renovated club house and guest d jays for the Saturday night make the evening worth waiting for instead of hurrying to another venue. Beware of who you step on in the milieu as this is the only tournament directors and fans get to share a space trying to watch Supersport on the not so big screen.

28^th Aug Prinsloo sevens:

The tour of tours. Nakuru is a few hours from Nairobi and with the nairobians obsession with naivasha, its just a few kms up the road from the gommorah that has been created next to the lake. Guaranteed to be the place to party with all your Nairobi buddies (other than msa over Christmas) on the streets till early Sunday morning and suffer the whole of Monday trying to orient oneself to the shocking order and discipline required to switch between party and work in a heartbeat. I would suggest taking Monday off and giving yourself time to recover from such debauchery. Nakuru has been reputed as having a growing fan base and is bigger every single year. And everything costs half price. From burgers to beers to chips fungas who drink half price black ice. The only place you must fork out is for the lodgos that will be charging a premium for this special weekend.

4^th Sep dala sevens:

An experience. The ocean makes women woozy and weak kneed. In kisumu, there is no ocean and only several boda bodas and motorpikis zooming past hooting constatntly. The agitation of the passengers, pedestrians and matatu drivers is dangerously climbing to tribal clashes level. One day, kisumu will explode. And raila will step and in and prove to all doubters that he has a fanaticism support in Nyanza that is closely rivalled by only JC himself.

The smooth talking jaluo sales persons will keep you entertained for the entire trip. The one selling “window wassing liquid” for your windscreen, to the “Kuful” merchants at the busiest round about in Africa. Several places to visit including the highly acclaimed “lunch at the beach” serving Ugali and a large tilapia are a must see. The heat is almost unbearable so carry your sunscreen BIG digagas (preferably not purchased from mutua at the traffic lights on your way out of Nairobi) and a massive hat. Underwear, extra clothing, toothbrush et al are all extra luggage that might not be necessary depending on your hygiene standards and motives for the weekend.

11^th Sep Kabeberi sevens:

In memory of George Mwangi Kabeberi (former Mwamba Player who died 1986). This is an emotional tournament proudly owned by the Mwamba family. Despite its nearly being kicked out of the national sevens circuit (shame on you KRU for insulting such a great tournament), this will be the turning point of the sevens circuit. The top two teams will be determined by the end of the weekend and will carry on the fight into the last tournament in Mombasa the next weekend.

A resting point for the travelling fans out there. They will be able to replenish their wallets as well as their vital vitamins, since tours seem to only consist of meat and fluids.

18^th Sep Driftwood sevens:

The big one. The last tournament in the circuit. The penultimate decider of the champions, the mother of tours and the biggest dent in the wallet. Not to be missed. With the breaking away of the unhappy rugby players from MSC to form the Mombasa Spartans (like they couldn’t find a better name), Mombasa RFC are attempting to assemble a patchy team so that they can be allowed to host the tournament as this is an obvious prerequisite to having your own tournament. But this should not deter you from attending. As the action will be non-stop. The crowning of the champions will be done on the island and song and dance will be the order of the day as sorrows are drowned and kings are crowned.

As your guide to better enjoyment of rugby and its social ills, I will attempt to keep you informed on the happenings at the tournaments, the places to visit once you’re in town, and where you can stay at peppercorn rent. Comments and Keeping everyone updated on the hot spots is encouraged so as to make rugby a more enjoyable (as if that’s possible) sport to be a part of.